Unthink.

This wasn’t the first time that I had woken up to pain. In fact, it had become a habit since the past few days. My body was numb below the waist. Crippled. My face felt swollen. My hopes, my dreams, all shattered. What had I made of my life ? I couldn’t feel the tears rolling down my cheek, but I knew I was crying. My body was in a confused state of equilibrium, between numbness and excruciating pain. ‘Could there be anything worse?’ I thought to myself.

And then after,I lost the power to think,act and react.

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Unthink.

This wasn’t the first time that I had woken up to pain. In fact, it had become a habit since the past few days. My body was numb below the waist. Crippled. My face felt swollen. My hopes, my dreams, all shattered. What had I made of my life ? I couldn’t feel the tears rolling down my cheek, but I knew I was crying. My body was in a confused state of equilibrium, between numbness and excruciating pain. ‘Could there be anything worse?’ I thought to myself.

And then after,I lost the power to think,act and react.

“Give and forgive”

Sometimes I face this weird situation where not only the words but the silence hurts too.
I thought a lot and I reached a point where I categorized myself as the “give and forgive person.”
People who know me quite well would know it. They won’t doubt either.
I’d rant like fuck and I’d shout and scream and get so pissed at you,or whoever when I’m upset but I forgive.
                                                 • I do •
I made mistakes. Yes,I did.
But are you not taking a revenge since December’13.
You don’t do this to anybody.
I feel so numb whenever I come across the past,in my head.
Lately,I’ve started to get confused with who you actually are.
We were quite inseparable some months before and see what we’re into right now.
Totally away,far apart. You are hurting me on purpose.
You’re doing it because you hate me and you want to get a revenge for everything that happened.
I don’t know you anymore.
I can’t figure out what are you being to me?
Family or some enemy?
As much as you want me to be with you,in real is same to how much I want you here.
You’ve called me with those harsh words.
I forgave you.
I fear and I better not dare to mention what else you did.
I freaks me out within.
I still forgave you.
Now that you’re a part of my life,you better not leave.
Because you certainly don’t have any option where you can erase the moment a year before,when we met.
I can get killed and I can kill.
I’m not a crazy person but I don’t know what I’m either.
It may be funny how I’m conveying you all this but trust me I’m stupid enough to do that.
Gain back the trust and bring back the happiness and tell the world how much I mean to you,before its too late.
“Cos in the end it all hurts the same”
Same reminds me of how much I’m changed.
Don’t do anything which you might regret.
You’re my pride,n you’ll always be one.
I love you to infinity.
:Bharti

By my favourite xx

I stare at the skyline
Spread ahead, then disappearing
Lights blinking in and out
Writing stories in the sky
And telling tales I can’t hear
And I think of the ripples of water
In the inky sea, too dark for me
To see anything but wavering
Reflections in; distorted stories
And trembling tales I’ll never know
And all I can think of is the fact
That I’m thankful for the skyline
And the lights
And the stories
And all I don’t know
Because if it was only the sea
Stretching without a break
In front of me, I’d think of things
Like forevers and promises and
You. I’d think of things I can’t have
And I’d think of words that mean
Everything, and nothing
And I’d be a wreck because all I
Know is that infinities scare me.

The end

There was always a “forever and more and for beyond life” in my words.
Not anymore I guess.
This arcane girl,is gonna have her time now.
I ain’t stopping.
I’m off WordPress.
Thanks everyone.
xoxo

It suffocates to not have you around.

You need space and time,only when it starts suffocating.
And it suffocates when,you are not true to someone.
It suffocates because you know,somewhere you’re hiding something and you want to breathe free.
Either people were never a part of your life and now when they happen to be one,it better be a long term partnership.
My condition for people in my world is that “either you stay,or you never existed!”
Just to make your life better,you’re spoiling someone else’s life and of those related to that someone.
Selfish.
Inhuman !!
No wonder,your being utterly selfish and mean with me.
But I will never take a revenge on you.
My actions to you and to the world will be enough.
One year.
One aim.
Whatever you chose to do,have shifted your image in the negative iota for me. Despite knowing everything,despite the fact that not everybody’s trust worthy,despite the fact that I wasn’t ready,I just gave in and trusted you,Bharti.
I thought let’s give friendship a name forever and always and for beyond life.
But you? You are harsh. You’re dead. You have a non functional heart. You’re a stone.
When people break your trust over and over again,they don’t break you,they just end up giving you the thought of breaking down.
In fact,they make you strong. Stronger than ever.
I feel the strongest.
I don’t have words and thoughts to put in today,I’m drained.
I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m over.
I don’t believe you. I believe none.
All the best with your life.
Love xoxo
-aakriti

The impossible.

People always teach you a lesson.
Always.
Painful. Hurtful. Truthful.
Lessons are a part of our lives! Why? Why can’t we just be?
Somebody out there,refers to my blog as shit and that person thinks I did it for some silly purpose.
Oh! I surely did.
Purpose being,that I want to let out all this frustration. All the closed emotions.
One step closer,to explosion. I’m thankful we have something like this.
Why is the world being so sweet with me and she,the coldest? For once,I’m ready to tolerate everyone’s anger but not yours!! Is anger the right word? How do I explain? Anger isn’t the word,actually. Its a lot more.
2:09;listening to “all too well” by Taylor Swift. These never ending tears. Why am I bothered? Why am I getting affected,when she isn’t ? Life.
Life happened to me. Friendship happened to me. Attachment happened to me.
1:45 am,I was done studying accounts. 5 hours. I study. No bullshitting.
To be precise,I hardly sleep and eat these days.
I’m sure,I won’t be able to,till next 30-35 days. Dangerous curiosity.
Kandy asked me today,while we were waiting for my brother,after the tuitions,”how do you manage to write so much?”
Answer is,it feels better. It seriously does. I write it down and I feel so light with every passing minute,no wonder the pain is still there. Some people take pills. It makes them feel better. I would have,if only I had the money to. I prefer spending it on “Maybelline”,or whatever . Anything but pills. It sounds stupid,already.
Some people slit their wrist. Retards. I can never do that. Though I once thought,but that’d be so coward. Jumping off a bridge. London bridge. I can consider that. Haha. 🙂
So basically, I can’t sleep. Annoying.
Question- what would she be doing right now? She doesn’t even miss me. I hate her. Sobs* oh my god,I miss her so much.
Bharti,I know you refuse to read me blog,but somewhere I know you’re not so cruel,I know you’ll be back on the track. I hope.
My life is so boring. It has become boring,actually.
I think,I should be cheered up again,like before. Why not? Difficult.
I smile,still and laugh like nothing’s wrong. But deep down there my heart’s on fire.
Smiling through the tears is the most beautiful thing. True.
Is there anyone to even tell me that?
I’m not even using fancy,words here.
You see Bharti,I’m doing what you tell me.
Bharti thinks that,fancy words or those tough words are used by stupid people. If you try to show off your vocabulary,people find some other way to pull you down and they will start finding faults either in your accent(it has got nothing to do with this blog,right now!) Or your grammar.
See,I remember.
Feeble soul,mine has become.
Crippling through my words,in my mind,filtering half of it and writing down one fourth of the filtered.
Tough.
I don’t want to give a chance to anybody to point a finger,towards anything in my life,or say this blog.
People have this habit of getting into someone else’s life and then the attempt to be a critical analysis to their situations.
You do that with me,and I’ll make sure you never walk back home. 🙂
That anonymous person,told me I’ve got a broken soul which can be mended.
No,it can’t be. But I’m gonna start afresh.
I promise,to myself today.
I’m gonna Laugh. Live. Love.
And be hurt,of course that will eventually happen. I already am.
Oh! And by the way,I listen to trance now.
*yaaayyyyyy*
So crazy.
Filthy feelings freaking around.
Duh!
I sound crazy now.
I better stop.
Thanks
Love xoxo
-aakriti